System Down

Image borrowed from BlipComic.com by Sage

 It's been awhile, I know. Life has a way of getting all crazy like and it's happening more often than not lately. So let's see... Where to start?

I never did blog about disc golf like I wanted to but we won the KCCC game. Yay us. Sadly even though Dawn & I won our match, we still didn't win it all for our company. Our scores were too high, but meh. It was fun & it was a surprise to win when neither of us have ever played.

A lot has happened since my last post and I'm sure I've forgotten most of it so just the highlights I guess will work. Roll that beautiful Bean Footage....

• Fun ATM Card Gankage: Friday I was busy trying to get everyone picked up from school, get Brody to his 9th grade Formal (Prom for the Jr High-schoolers), get a corsage for his date & make it in time to meet friends at Quinton's downtown. We went to Dillon's for the corsage and I figured I'll just pull money out there when I pay to give him for snacks or whatever. Easy, right? Apparently not. I forgot my pin number & after trying three times I decided screw it and paid as a credit. So off to the ATM we go on the other side of town. As soon as I slipped my card in, thinking I *now* remember my pin, the atm ate it and flashed "we've retained your card, please see your local financial institution for further assistance" across it's taunting screen. Now what the hell am I suppose to do? I need money for him, I need my damn card back and damn it I really need a drink!!! Luckily the bank was still open for another 10 minutes & the nice, way too talkative, way too smiley clerk was able to retrieve my card. I ended up pulling more cash out than I wanted to at first because like hell I was going to trust my card again when drinking was involved. Pfft.
• Fun Friday Times with Friends: I was finally able to catch what should have been one quick drink with the girls (Elizabeth, Nicki & Carole of the Party). It turned out to be like 4 hours and 4 large margaritas instead. Good Times.
• Fun Saturday Hangover: So as much fun as I had the night before, I was definitely paying for it on Saturday morning. The laundry gave me dirty looks, the kids were too loud, the sun was way too bright and I was not fun to be around. Luckily two aleves and finally 2 p.m. I was feeling much better. I know I say this often, but Tequila, I just can't stay mad at you.
• Fun Monday Sick Day: You sensing a "fun" theme yet? Yea, it's a game. You figure out which ones are dripping with sarcasm. By Monday morning I had the death. Thanks to my family for infecting me with the illness they brought home from school or wherever it came from. Sore throat, fever, cough, bodyaches, and overall bleh. I called in sick. There goes one full day of PTO. Like I can't find better ways to spend my vaca days, right?
• Fun Four Bedroom: Finally found a four bedroom house/duplex/townhome, that we don't have nearly enough furniture to fill... yet. If everything goes great, we'll be moving in July 1st. Huzzah! 42 days from today. After that happens, I'll boast way more about it. Don't wanna jinx anything.
• Fun Misc TMI: In between all that other junk, I've had the worst cramps in the history of cramps. In fact, I believe my ovaries are playing out scenes from Fight Club. I hate my uterus. I put in 6 hours working the KU Baseball game on Sunday. It was okay, but hello, cramps. Fight Club. Ugh. You get it. I took Brody out twice to learn how to drive, my car. I went for drinks with Elizabeth & Leo at the Red Lyon on a school night *gasp* and have agreed to work 3 more days at KU this week (tonight, tomorrow & Saturday).

So now I'm looking forward to:

• Goop's first baseball practice this Saturday.
• Not being sick, crampy or busy.
• Final Fridays
• KCCC Dodgeball
• Cuddles, lots of "make me feel better" cuddles
• More time with friends.

The Trip to Walmart

I pride myself on being the cool mom. No, seriously. I have to be the cool mom (within reason, let's not get crazy now, someone might lose an eye!). My kids know that they can pretty much talk to me about anything pretty much anything.

I don't like taking any of the kids with me when I have to run to the store. Mainly because they still live in that "Omg buy me this!" "I'll just die if I don't have that!" and "oops it must of just fallen in the basket" phase. Well tonight I broke my own rule & took the 11 & 14 yr old boys with me. D'awww - shopping with Mommy. Honestly I just needed laundry soap before I heard the man explain to me again about how he has no jeans for work. I mean I just need to buy one thing, what could go wrong. We get in & we get out.

That was plan, but it went down like this...

Remember the part of cool mom, and being able to talk to me? Yea, keep that all in mind.

My 14 yr old, Brody, is a freshman and in P.E. the coach/teacher handed out pedometers as a class project to record "steps" on each student. Nice idea right? Get active you video game playing couch zombies! Whatever. I'm all for it. So back to Walmart. Keep up with me here... Brody & I walk by an endcap set up displaying the glorious Shake Weight®. You know that joke of "exercise equipment" that we've all made a joke about at some point? Yea, *that* Shake Weight®. So Brody looks & laughs, then says, "So you know that pedometer project for P.E?" I say, "Yea, hows that going?" to which he replies,"Well we turned them in today & you know what my friend did?" At this point I'm thinking the good ole' Shake Weight® must of triggered this convo, so I say, "Attached his to a Shake Weight?" Brody laughs & says, "Um no, he attached it to his watch and masturbated. Collected 80k steps too!" My jaw drops! Did he just say "masturbated"? That kid is not only a genius... wait, what? I am not having this convo with my 14 yr old in Walmart! I'm not! I may be a cool mom, but seriously "Woah!" I'm still just "Woah" and this happened like 30 minutes ago. I guess I should appreciate the fact that my kids *do* feel like they can tell me anything, however they may change when they realize I facebooked/blogged this shit.

Not to leave my little, also completely hilarious 11 year old crotch fruit, Goop, out of this story, I'll give you his random "trip home from Walmart" funnies.

Brody: So you know you have to carry stuff in & show your worth.

Goop: You're only worth a penny!

Me: Now now (while stroking Goop's hair) that's not true, you are both worth at least $1500 earned income credit each.

Goop: Well I was worth more but they said I had to give you half.

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Goop antagonizes Brody over something stupid.

Brody: You're such a snerf!

Goop looks at me dead serious & says, "I think he's hitting on me."

Welcome to the glimpse that is my life & the 30 minute trip I took with kids in tow to Walmart.